i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
