what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
