Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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