It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Randomize
