Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
