If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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