I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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