It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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