I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
