Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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