Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
