I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
