we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
