Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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