and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The beer is more important than you right now.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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