While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
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But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
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Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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