First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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