wat bout pragnant strippers??
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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