I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i was born a porn star she said
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Terrible idea I love it
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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