Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Randomize
