We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
