He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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