just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
pop tarts are not kleenex
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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