I'm lost and stupid without you.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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