Reggie can tackle my bush.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
