you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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