Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
