I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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