I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize