dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
