my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We are two peas in an std pod
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize
