bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
