there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
