peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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