you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
she smelled like a LAN party
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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