Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
