i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
