I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
