I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
