Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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