I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
