Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single