Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously