I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
25 Hilarious ‘Sex Clubs’ You Should Try To Join
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.