walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.