After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead