when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.