Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
