areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize