Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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