Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
