Im at strip club and am horny
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
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