Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
