THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
