How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
