I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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