apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
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I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
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I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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