I want to have your abortion
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
