No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
