You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
