if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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