my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
