Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize