no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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