you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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