I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
