Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just sucked dick on a ferry
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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