Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
