I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
