We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
