he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
