We won't sleep together?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
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I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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