On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
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